By Jeremy Hoodaman
Yesterday, the Screen Actors Guild honored Morgan Freeman as they pronounced him the eighth ancient wonder of the world. “We are so proud of… Oh man, I just get goosebumps thinking about him,” gushed SAG National President Ken Howard. “Morgan is the best thing this industry has seen in years… Decades… Centuries? Also, my mom loves him.”
Freeman joins the ranks of the Great Pyramid of Giza, the Hanging Gardens of Babylon, and the Colossus of Rhodes. Carbon dating has yet to determine if the esteemed actor is in fact older than these celebrated monuments.
Morgan Freeman is best known for his ability play a diverse set of characters. Among his best known roles: the aging, wise Sergeant John Rawlin in Glory, the aging, wise, prison mate Ellis Boyd Redding in The Shawshank Redemption, the aging, wise ex-boxer Eddie Dupris in Million Dollar Baby, among countless others. And who can forget his celebrated role as the aging, wise butler Lucius Fox in Batman Begins & its sequel, The Dark Knight. He also narrated March of the Penguins.
“I love Morgan Freeman so much,” actress Angelina Jolie, who starred with Freeman in Wanted, in which he played the aging, wise professor Sloan. “I hate writing him birthday cards though, since I’ve never learned how to use scientific notation.”
Other actors are equally fond of Freeman, and he is almost universally respected in Hollywood. “He’s pretty cool guy,” legendary actor Sydney Poitier told The Flipside, “although once he told me he remembered when I was just a glint in my father’s eye. I’m pretty sure I’m 13 years older than him.”
Morgan Freeman held a press conference to accept his nomination. “I’m extremely flattered to receive this tremendous honor,” he said with an overwhelming calm voice, one which would persuade many to do things that are generally not accepted in society. “I always tell my kids if you lay down, people will step over you. But if you keep scrambling, if you keep going, someone will always, always give you a hand. Always. But you gotta keep dancing, you gotta keep your feet moving,” he said, before walking off in a cool, collected manner that led many people to question whether his role as God in Bruce Almighty was, in fact, a role.

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