cellwet Giver of life my tucas. Water, you think you are all slick and cool. Well, take a look in the mirror, buddy. Just because there is a lot of you does not give you the right to kill my phone when I drop it in Lake Geneva.

What did that phone ever do to you?

You know what I really think about you, water. I think your minerals suck. You are cold. You wave to people, but that does not mean you are friendly. You are a deep, bottomless pit of Verizon Voyager destroying meanness.

Two hydrogen atoms and an oxygen. That’s lame. And polar.

I wrote a song for you: “H20, why don’t you just go. Try to get with the flow, yo” Edgar Allen Poe.

I can live without you. You tasted Eggy this weekend in Wisconsin. Not so pure after all, are ya?

In conclusion, water you had a nice run. We go way back, but I am done with you for the rest of my sure to be long life.

Hey, what’s that you say? My insurance package covers water damage? Even for stupid teens who bring their phone to the pier? You are right, though, my friends did force me to go to the lake. Looks like both you and I fell into pier pressure.

+ posts
You May Also Like

In Defense of WDT

WDT is under attack. They’ve been made villains by nearly all of…

Dunkin’ Donuts Changes Name to Be Politically Correct

by Anfernee Van Tarkus MASSACHUSETTS-Leading donut and coffee provider Dunkin’ Donuts has…

SparkNotes Releases SparkNoted SparkNotes

By Jeremy Hoodaman SparkNotes, the sworn enemy of English teachers everywhere, recently…

I Really Don’t Know Which Super Power I Want

by Austin Graypad Recently, I have been asked about super heroes, or…