By Curry Gagarin

LOS ANGELES—With the success that American Idol has brought to the Fox Network, Fox has recently announced that, in alliance with the GOP, it will be producing “American Immigrant” for the upcoming fall lineup. President of Fox Rupert Murdoch thinks that this is a bold new step for television as a whole and sees this as an exciting new opportunity.

“Fox is looking to bank off not only the recent rise in interest in America that American Idol has brought on, but is also looking to use the recent immigration discussions in Congress to roll in ratings.”

The premise of the show involves taking immigrants and forcing them into a basic skills competition, where one by one they will be eliminated from the competition and deported to their respective countries by the audience watching at home, until the final winning immigrant will be awarded a green card and thirty dollars.

The first few rounds of the show will feature the participants battling each other in obstacle course-like contests that are rumored to consist of such events as shoe kicking, egg on a spoon races, three-legged sack races, and spinning their head on a baseball bat five times before completing a timed 50-yard dash. For most of these competitions, the contestants will be blindfolded.

“By completing such tasks, it will prove whether these immigrants will be able to deal with the hardships of American life on a much grander scale,” says show producer and “American Idol” creator Simon Fuller.

The show itself will draw its contestants from the pool of countless illegal immigrants currently in America, and twelve lucky contestants will be forced to participate. During the course of the competition, the contestants will have to live in only one Beverly Hills mansion, to get a taste of the American Dream that will likely be taken away from them.

As with any Fox show, there will be three judges presiding over the competition, telling America how each contestant is doing and ever so slightly reveal who the winner should be. Simon Cowell is said to be really excited about this new project.

“I’m going to treat all contestants fairly,” said Cowell. “If I feel like they haven’t handled that egg on the spoon well, I’m going to say so.”

After the number of contestants dwindles down to four, the final four contestants will have to complete much harder tasks. In the final episode, the remaining two participants will race to see which of the two can complete an elbow licking, then hack into the Pentagon, and finally write the great American novel.

According to Murdoch, “By having the final round consist of these tasks, we can promise the American viewer that the winning contestant and “new American immigrant” will be the most legal and best immigrant to ever step forth on American soil.”

Even if the show is massively successful, Fox representatives have said that they will absolutely NOT be reprising the show for a second season to let yet another illegal immigrant into the country, citing that the cost would be too great.

+ posts
You May Also Like

In Defense of WDT

WDT is under attack. They’ve been made villains by nearly all of…

Dunkin’ Donuts Changes Name to Be Politically Correct

by Anfernee Van Tarkus MASSACHUSETTS-Leading donut and coffee provider Dunkin’ Donuts has…

SparkNotes Releases SparkNoted SparkNotes

By Jeremy Hoodaman SparkNotes, the sworn enemy of English teachers everywhere, recently…

I Really Don’t Know Which Super Power I Want

by Austin Graypad Recently, I have been asked about super heroes, or…