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Outbreak of Senioritis Worries Doctors, Teachers at DHS

A recent epidemic has caused panic among medical professionals at DHS. An unprecedented number of cases of Senioritis, a dangerous disease which can be deadly to the GPA, have been…

Student Receives 37 on Prairie State ACT, Dream School Doesn’t Accept Score

High school junior Will S. Cohr received the world’s first 37 on the ACT after a stroke of luck and a full hour of sucking up to the proctor. However,…

Senior Misunderstands the Meaning of Senior Ditch Day

Incoming Freshman Picks Clubs Based On Which Activities Night Tables Had the Best Candy

Teacher Superlatives Released; English Teacher Voted “Most Likely to Own Cats”