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Water Polo Player Spotted Existing Awkwardly Outside the Pool

Students Take Sudden, Class Time Wasting Interest in Politics

After the sweet, sweet taste of missing around a half of hour of dreaded school for Obama’s inauguration, students have voiced a dramatic increase in politics. Countless cries for more…

Valedictorian Uncomfortable With Speaking to People Other Than Teachers, Textbooks

As graduation time approaches, Ben Smartypants is more nervous than ever before, including the time when he accidentally brushed up against a girl’s (a girl!) butt, which caused the girl…

DHS Junior So Not Getting Into College

DEERFIELD, IL— Rachael Miller, a Deerfield junior, studied her butt off for Ms. Levine’s Pre-calc final, but still got a C-. This brought her semester grade down to a B…

Ralph Lauren Comes Out With New Water Polo Clothing Line

FDA Asks “Scooby Dooby Do, Where Are You?” Upon Losing Their Best Drug Buster and His Addict Pal Shaggy

The Triumphs and Tragedies of a PE Substitute

I hate this job. I sit down and take attendance of all those hard to name kids. They laugh every time I mispronounce the slightest syllable in any name. What…

Moon Tanning: A Healthy Alternative

By: The Real William Stafford The Earth’s one natural satellite, the Moon, is more than one quarter the size of Earth itself (3,474 km diameter). Because of its smaller size,…