Friends, Romans, readers of the Flipside, It has come to the attention of the Flipside’s confidential informants that there is a new trend taking hold among the inhabitants of this building. It should be obvious that I am referring to the increasingly popular movement of students who open up their binders, notes, and textbooks to complete homework assignments on Friday nights. For all, this is a deeply concerning development. We understand that it has been a while since you good people have enjoyed normal circumstances. In fact, the motivation to keep churning out freshly-baked Flipsides is driven in great part by trying to help this school return to business as usual.
Accordingly, this behavior simply can not be allowed to continue. For one, what’s the big rush? The right to enjoy the weekend isn’t a joke. Millions of people fought tooth and nail for millennia, dating back to the Egyptians who built Stonehenge, in pursuit of rest and relaxation, working tirelessly so that their descendants wouldn’t have to suffer their same fate. Do these Friday-homework-doers have any shame? Their friends (if they exist) must miss them dearly. Can you imagine the sorry conversations these people must be having? “Hey John, we were gonna leave the DHS football game at halftime tonight.” “Sorry Jerry, I can’t do that. I’m too busy with this exciting biOloGY stuff I was assigned for Monday.”
I mean, come on guys. This is supposed to be basic stuff. We were under the impression that you good people, our FRIENDS, who call yourselves DHS students, knew how to behave. The fact that I have to dedicate even a little bit of my Sunday towards upholding common-sense at my high school by writing these words is disappointing and entirely discouraging. I had the choice of waking up at 2 pm, watching grown men shove each other on national television (go Packers!), or staring at a wall. I could not be more clear; writing this PSA for you all brings me not even a tiny iota of joy.
We know that if you are reading this important message, you are not a part of the problem. Flipside enjoyers stand out from and above their peers in every facet, including the possession of an exemplary moral code. However, we felt it would be irresponsible of us to not use our extraordinary position of influence to raise awareness on this issue.
So, seeing as today is a blessed and beautiful Friday, I hope it’s now clear that it’s your duty as a good student to enjoy your evening. Attend tonight’s football game! Throw rocks at your friends! Whatever it is that you decide on doing, make good choices tonight. Together, we can end this shameful chapter in DHS history and make Fridays lazy again!