As homecoming decorations began to cover the halls of DHS, disgruntled students could be seen casting looks of disapproval at the bland and PTSD-inducing imagery from the 2000s. While ‘Around the World’ was originally chosen as the theme, organizers say they were forced to reject it due to a series of aggressive policies originating from England ‘E’ hall. Being the single largest exporter of independence days around the district, many feared the hallway’s return to hardline expansionism under its newly elected department chair, Dr. Thatcher.

The first to vocalize their dissent were the inhabitants of Ireland I-hall (the Italian delegates were on vacation in Palermo), who saw E-hall claim its Northernmost territories. Dr. Thatcher (E-hall Dept. Chair) allegedly made a foreign exchange student, who could not understand the treaty, sign away the rooms. Citing an 800-year long history of resistance against E-hall imperialism, a representative of the I-hall independence movement made a stand in the cafeteria earlier this week to vehemently denounce E-hall claims over the counsellor offices. “Have you got no bloody rooms of your own?” the demonstrator asked. The tension nearly became violent, and both sides recognised a need for diplomacy. The result of intense after school negotiations with Dr. Thatcher ultimately culminated in the establishment of a bipartisan council between representatives of both hallways to address future conflicts.

Inspired by I-hall resistance, similar resistance sprang up at every corner. Located halfway across the school, students in Argentina A-Deck put up homecoming decorations in an area historically under E-hall rule in an act which supporters called “securing their sovereignty”. Dr. Thatcher, however, was enraged by what she saw as a provocation and invasion of her rooms, and immediately mobilized the interdisciplinary apparatus of E-hall. In a move condemned by almost every adjacent hallway, the young freshmen and sophomores who have spent no more than 2 months in this building were surprised to find visits to the Dean’s Office and uncomfortable calls to their parents. Many were quick to make the connection between the difference in hard power observed that day to E-hall’s mass detention of local residents at Rorke’s Drift decades prior. After weeks of rage across the school, A-hall’s fate would be devoid of any compromise. Instead, Dr. Thatcher’s campaign resulted in the complete abandonment of the contested territories by A-hall activists. To this day, E-hall continues to hold this part of the school as a vestige of its former empire.

The recent actions of Dr. Thatcher and England ‘E’ hall has disunited many regions and received school-wide disapproval. Forced with no other option, the organizers of this year’s homecoming scrapped the ‘Around the World’ theme for something infinitely more irritating. While our hallways may be cleared of colonialist war crimes, they are now filled with “early 2000s memorabilia.” Thanks a lot, England

Yaokai Yang
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