Earlier this month, sources reported an unnamed Flipside writer fleeing to Canada in order to avoid an awkward confrontation regarding their own procrastination. The writer has been found today lying on the ground and crying in the middle of the Canadian wilderness alongside a message written in stones. Upon closer inspection, the stones spelled out a 400-word article for the Flipside. One editor offered the commentary, “It’s horrible, just terrible, even by our standards. Three of our staff members quit on the spot after reading it.¨

Our reporters interviewed a nearby Canadian moose and its herd for details. The meese refused to answer our questions, but added that, “HnnnnGHHHRMMMMMMMMhhhhhh.¨ However, recent developments indicate that this writer has been extradited to the United States, with a statement from the Canadian government that, “We put up with a lot, but, in our opinion, this is a crime against the English language, no offense intended. We’d like to politely request that you take this writer back, if it’s not too much trouble.” American diplomats are frantically attempting to pacify the Canadians, who have not been seen this upset since great heat wave in December of ‘95, which caused many geese to remain unseasonably north.

Unsubstantiated and patently ridiculous rumors that the writer is currently imprisoned by the rest of the Flipside staff are absurd. If you hear pounding from the locker D228, pay no attention. There is no one in the locker.

Now short-staffed, the Flipside editorial board (composed of one voting member and his pet turtle) has turned to the stock of pre-written articles. Look forward to such masterpieces as “Soviet Leader Cherneko Replaced by Up-andComer Gorbachev”, “Ronald Reagan Takes Oath for Second Term”, and “Madonna Launches Her First Tour, the Virgin Tour”.

In other news, 4’8” psychic convict, possibly dangerous, has just escaped from the city jail and is now wandering the town in a hot-pink prison jumpsuit. Beware this small medium at large

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