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“When in Doubt, Poop It Out,” Says Unidentified Student

About week and a half ago, a student innocently headed for the M-Hall boy’s bathroom. However, that lucky student was met with none other than a shoe full of poop…

Janitors Celebrate the Recent Blackhawks Upswing, Upgrade to Zambonis

Source of Low Attendance Problems Identified: DHS Just Never Has School

Student Gets Concussion From Locker Room Door Backswing

Kelly Clarkson Sings Every Lyric of National Anthem Correctly, Automatically Receives High Marks

Junior Takes Parking Spot From Senior, Senior Conveniently Finds Half a Milkshake in His Car

Oversized Sweaters Take DHS By Storm, Boys Not Happy About It

According to the girls at DHS, no winter wardrobe can call itself complete without large, ridiculously comfortable sweaters. From vintage noodies that still smell like your grandparents’ moldy basement to…

iPhones Taking Over the World, Everyone Too Busy iMessaging to Care

Teachers Complain About Uploading Grades Online, Waste the Three Seconds It Takes to Type It In


By Nicki Chamberlain-Simon Maybe the Apocalypse is Coming a Little Sooner Than We Expected If SOPA passes, we are all going to die. Like literally, die. It is quite possibly…

Hallways Now Closed in Order to Open Minds

By Maddie Ambrose The start of second semester is upon us and for most it is a time of celebration. Seniors embark on their final semester of high school, freshmen…

Theatre Kids Go to Some Fest, School Finally Quiet for Once