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Opinion: Found Nothing?! How About This Empty Gatorade Bottle?

By Butch, the Bomb-Sniffing German Shepherd Horray! I love coming to this place! There are never any bombs and always stuff to eat. I love eating! One time, I was—…

Area Student Wins Contest to See Who Can Get Less Sleep

By Gunther Hausmann After a near-sleepless night of doing homework and going on Facebook, Junior Kristen Holbrook declared that she received fewer hours of sleep than you. Her mere three…

Super Bowl Makes Tuesday Fatter

By Buford Stetson MIAMI, FL — As Tracy Porter intercepted Petyon Manning’s pass late in the fourth quarter and ran it back for a touchdown, I was quick to realize…

New Best Pickup Line for DHS Students: Whipping Out The CPR Certification Card