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Man Finally Confesses to Letting the Dogs Out, Recieves 40-Life

School Congratulates Everyone on Being “Blue Ribbon” Except for Area Loser

By George Minkowski DEERFIELD— As we all know, Deerfield High School was recently honored by being recognized as one of 314 Blue Ribbon Schools for 2009. Teachers and administrators alike…

Ask Mr. Motzko

Dear Mr. Motzko, In my science class, I was recently asked what the meaning of life was. I was brought to think, maybe it is an equation? Happiness? Chocolate? I…

A Plea to Mr. Gore

Al Gore: Whoever is watching us from above must really have it in for you. You probably picked the most rediculously stupid name for your little environmental situation. Global Warming?…