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Super Senior Doesn’t Know What to Wear For Class Color Day

By John Frolinian DEERFIELD, IL—Bob Vacation, a five year senior at Deerfield High School, was puzzled last Friday for class color day and the pep rally following it. Bob, who…

Man Arrested For Cruelty to Balloon Animals

By Owen Trentonite NEW YORK, NEW YORK—In a sad scene yesterday, the local animal rights group Rights For Animals helped convict a felon on a repeat charge for cruelty to…

Concert Pianist Just Wants to Live in Harmony

By Edmund von Floueshten All this razzmatazz and hubbub has gotten over the top. Things around my home concert hall have just gotten too crazy. Who can stand this anymore?…