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Who am I Going to ask to Prom

prom-2 By an antisocial and asexual, but conformist, senior

Oh my g-d, what am I going to do? Prom is only two months and I haven’t got the faintest idea who I am going to ask or how. So many problems, so few solutions. Plus, I am asocial and don’t like anyone but myself.

Nothing scares me more than my parents. They could take away my twitter. They could make me stop talking to myself. I cannot deal with the embarrassment of not going. I cannot deal with my parents reminiscing about their childhood. I cannot deal with people.

But I simply have to go. Everybody else does. I have no chance with a senior girl. I should try to snag one of those leftovers. Maybe a Junior or Sophomore. I think I lent that girl who sits in front of me my pencil once. We brushed hands! I felt a real bond there.

There is also that girl who often makes eye contact with me in the hallway. As long as I apologize for flicking her off and turning in that picture of her doing something inappropriate on Facebook to the deans, I think I might be on to something. Maybe I’ll ask one of those girls in my freshman gym class. That wouldn’t be awkward. Right? At least they know my great leadership abilities. And I have a bright future ahead of me because I am one of only 100 gym leaders, people able to sacrifice the possibility of actually having to move in PE.

How should I ask her? I’ll text her. No, that’s not original. I’m sure everybody does that. I’ll make a really long scavenger hunt. If I put enough effort into it, she will feel bad enough and have to go with me. I could also ask through Solitaire, the best game ever. Or I could surprise her in a bathroom stall; just like Moaning Myrtle, my idol.

Oh my g-d, now I am so excited for prom. Just me and her. What’s that? I would have to go in a group… with people?! Screw this.

May 25, 2009

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