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New AIM Feature Allows You to Monitor Your Buddy’s Blood Pressure

By Buddy Lentil ARLINGTON HEIGHTS, IL—With version 3.2.01 of AIM entering the hearts and minds of Americans everywhere, many reacted passively and almost failed to notice the astounding new AIM…

Japanese Create Uggs Spinnoff Called “Mugs”

OKAZAZI, JAPAN—With the market for copycat products on the rise, Japanese company Feetness (true name lost in translation) has surged at the opportunity to remake the now famous Ugg boots.…

Optimists Think Pessimist’s Club is a Success!

By Nell Federmeyer Two Thursdays ago, Angela Hinkley, a lifelong resident of Deerfield, took the initiative to form the Pessimist’s Club of Deerfield. “As a member of the Optimist’s Club…

Aging ’85 Bears Do the Super Bowl Shuffleboard

AP Spanish Teacher Only Says “Hola in the Hallways