DJ Khaled to Become SC Khaled After Snapchat Career Takes Off

Student Sees Grade on Chemistry Final; Spontaneously Combusts in a Mix of Anger and Sadness

Seniors Stress over College Decisions; Freshmen Just Glad to Have Gotten into Deerfield

Student Found Literally Buried in Homework after Being Missing for Three Days

Freshman Mocks Seniors for Not Having a Computer to Use in the New Library

Man Eats Pillow with Gravy; Best Stuffing He’s Ever Had

McDonalds to Sell Turkey McNuggets Instead of Chicken in Spirit of Holiday

Top Hat Sales Increase; Bottom Hat Sales Still Nonexistent

Student Upset after MySpace Page Shut Down for “Not Being Relevant Any More”

Scientists Mistaken: Sea Levels Constant, Land Slowly Sinking

AP Economics student demands refund; says second one was not truly free

 

Trump’s Hair Discovered to be Fake; People Lose Trust in Politicians