Guy Thinks He’s So Rich, Probably Is

Pope’s Visit Helps Pope Improve Pope Signature

Pubescent 13 Year Olds Now Partying Later Than High Schoolers With New Curfew

Deerfield, IL- The much-maligned new curfew has had some unintended side effects.…

I Can’t Believe I Have to Poop in School

There are just so many crappy options. All the bathrooms both literally…

Pregnant Woman Mysteriously Abandons Students

Chicago IL- A startling trend has spread across Deerfield High School. Many…

Rainbow Trout Extra Excited for this Year’s Mating Season

Stairway to Heaven Falls Short

New Obnoxious Bells Designed to Get Seniors Out Faster, Among Other Things

DEERFIELD, IL—With only about one quarter left, Deerfield High School’s evil overlords…

Cat Trainer in Rehab for Catnip Addiction

By Picov Andropov Senior News Correspondent CHICAGO, IL – One of the…

Song “Here it Goes Again” Played on Repeat

Both Students Accepted to Ivy Leagues Happy to Have Gotten In

The Bracket Is Out: Who Will Get Taken To School?

Bracket Analysis By John Shineman It’s that time of year again. You…