Issue 109 Stuff

Flopside Headlines Answers a) Woman Robs Walmart While in Labor = REAL…

Man Sets Clock Ahead 10 Minutes To Trick Himself Into Being Early

By Jeffrey Hoodaman Stephen Goldstein, a 46-year-old Chicago-area office manager, has a…

Chilean Miners Ask To “Chill Down Here For A While”

By Jeremy Hoodaman CHILE — Thirty-three miners trapped underground in Chile sent…

Infinite Campus Growing “Too Powerful”

By Jeremy Hoodaman To be fair, Infinite Campus never seemed evil to…

GBN Seniors Order Pizza for Grade

By Adrian Samovar Last Sunday, Max Porter and Logan Raymond, two seniors…

Witness: Lebron James Announces Solo Basketball Career

By Jeremy Hoodaman In a surprise press conference held yesterday, Lebron James…

Deerfield Authorities Cracking Down on Fun

By Jeremy Hoodaman Authorities in Deerfield are fed up with the smiles…

Opinion: Thanks For Running Over My Cousin

By Sarcastic Squirrel Excuse me, sir. I totally get how busy you…

James Cameron Admits Avatar is “Largely Fictional”

By Jeremy Hoodaman In a shocking press conference held yesterday, James Cameron…

Opinion: I Enjoy Doughnuts… So What?

By Officer Dan I spend long days patrolling the streets, enforcing speed…

Study Shows Direct Relationship Between English Teacher’s Mood, Essay Grades

By Jeremy Hoodaman Research has now confirmed what Deerfield students already know:…

Area Man Finally Forgives Steve Bartman

By Jeremy Hoodaman Jeff Traison, 57, Deerfield resident and die-hard Cubs fan,…