Earlier this year, at the beginning of August, many students first looked at their schedules for the upcoming school year and noticed something strange: where “free periods” used to reside on their schedules, students found a class listed as “study hall.” To clarify the confusion, the district sent out a newsletter explaining that this period would be mandatory to attend—you could be marked as absent. The email also mentioned an error in Infinite Campus which mistakenly labeled these periods as “Study Halls” instead of their official name of “Re-Education.”

Part of the DHS Warrior Way Education Initiative (sister program to the HPHS Giant Life Education initiative), these re-education sessions—lasting an entire class period—are used to indoctrinate students in the proper behaviors and beliefs of a true DHS Warrior (known as the “Warrior Way”). During this time, students are shown various films of our eternal comradeship with HPHS and the evils of our dire enemy Stevenson, all presented by Big Warrior. One student on his way to detention for so-called “Social/Emotional-Think” said, “I swear, I remember a time not too long ago when we, together with Stevenson, rivals with HPHS, not the other way around!” This, of course, is contrary to official DHS messaging which states “We have always been rivals with Stevenson, any thought to the contrary is untrue and must be discarded.” After his detention in Room 101 (previously D109), the student stated “I have no idea what I was thinking. My thoughts were treacherous, I realize now. I hope that one day I might be forgiven and be allowed to call myself a true follower of the Warrior Way.”

Reactions to this phase of the Warrior Education Initiative have been mixed. One student stated “This reminds me of that book 1982 or something, I dunno I never read it. I swear it’s exactly like it though.” The Student Council Outer Party received this memo yesterday morning: “Good news! 99% of DHS Students love the Warrior Way. For those that need more convincing, Big Warrior has arranged a field trip for them to [REDACTED], where they will have 5 hours of non-stop [DATA EXPUNGED]. Sounds like a fun time!”

The next phase of the program will proceed later this year, including a plan to broadcast the highest GPAs over the intercom system during school hours. There has also been talk of prohibiting communication with other schools to prevent more “Social/Emotional-Think” from occurring, until, of course, those schools adopt the Warrior Way. Participants at board meetings in DPS 109 have also shown interest in starting a similar program for K-8 students. The Warrior Education Initiative will eventually culminate in the Warrior Certification Test which, upon a score of 33 or higher and 50 hours in the Warrior Labor Facility (formerly the PERC), will allow seniors induction into the “Warrior Political Party.”
Praise Big Warrior and follow his way.

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