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I’ve Never Been This Excited For Halloween

I’ve Never Been This Excited For Halloween

I’ve Never Been This Excited For Halloween

By Shrek Johnson Yeah, I know I changed my name to make it more American but give me a break. Plus, it’s only six months until Halloween and that means only one thing…. It means that I get to go around and Trick-or-Treat. I can tell you for sure with unparalled certainty that I am [...]

December 14, 2008 / / Read More
Water Found on Saturn Leads to Restaurant Constructions by 2009

Water Found on Saturn Leads to Restaurant Constructions by 2009

Water Found on Saturn Leads to Restaurant Constructions by 2009

By Troy Newmanns SATURN—Recent discoveries through NASA’s many telescopes have led to the discovery of water on one of Saturn’s moons, Enceladus. The water has rushed through the moon’s surface, leading to many questions about whether life could sustain there. For the past decade, research has been conducted to discover whether Mars, the fourth planet [...]

December 14, 2008 / / Read More
Bush: “Wouldn’t It Be Ironic If We Were All Made of Iron”

Bush: “Wouldn’t It Be Ironic If We Were All Made of Iron”

Bush: “Wouldn’t It Be Ironic If We Were All Made of Iron”

By Yancey Buttsavage WASHINGTON—This quote comes as no shock to the American general public. The accidental wit and wisdom of our dear president has been taking this nation by storm, but this puts the cherry on the cake, and it takes the cake. Delicious chocolate cake, by the way. With white and blue icing. However, [...]

December 14, 2008 / / Read More
Man Carries Around iPod Excessively; Turns into an iPod

Man Carries Around iPod Excessively; Turns into an iPod

Man Carries Around iPod Excessively; Turns into an iPod

by Professor Jahn Katsnelson EVERYWHERE, ON EARTH– Howard “Cotton” Gin was just your average human being. He had a normal job that he loved, a wife that he loved dearly, but there was something else. Oh, how there was something else. “Cotton” had recieved a 1st generation iPod for his 27th birthday. Ever since then, [...]

December 14, 2008 / / Read More
Local Student Remembers How He Almost Failed a Recorder Test

Local Student Remembers How He Almost Failed a Recorder Test

Local Student Remembers How He Almost Failed a Recorder Test

DEERFIELD- Tony Bafstander, 16 year old, Deerfield resident, reflects on his rough childhood, in which he overcame much adversity. Bafstander remembers the times of swinging on the swing in the local playground, and shopping with his friends and family. When he was reliving one of his childhood joys, shopping, he happened to see his middle [...]

December 14, 2008 / / Read More
McDonald’s Scandal Uncovered

McDonald’s Scandal Uncovered

McDonald’s Scandal Uncovered

False McAdvertising Leads to McControversy McDonald’s, an All-American company with an All-American feel to it, has always seemed to be loved for its food while it’s been hated for its food, among other things. The company took a big hit the past week as lawyers representing “humanity” uncovered a great scandal in McDonald’s advertising. For [...]

December 14, 2008 / / Read More
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