By Gertrude Voe

The id that said Potsvan was a believable six years old.

DISNEY WORLD, FL—Just yesterday, 24 year old Sam Potsvan was denied admittance to the kids roller coaster at Walt Disney’s Disney World. In what turned out to be quite a scene, it took all three of the rides security men and women to restrain him.

The ride was for ages seven and under and had a height limit of 48 inches. Postvan, who did not meet either of those criteria, was nevertheless determined to get on the ride. He had acquired a fake identification that said he was a 46 inch tall six-year-old from Tallahassee, Florida. When asked for comment Potsvan replied, “I was sure it would work. I had the fake and everything.” He continued, “My friends always said I had somewhat of a baby face too, so I thought I had that going.”

When Potsvan came to the front of the line, the ride attendant was skeptical and asked to see his id. The attendant, who wishes to remain anonymous, said, “I think what gave it away was the beard and the European accent. He said Tallahassee, and I really didn’t buy that, because I’m from Tallahassee, and that’s not what we sound like!”

The guard then testifies that he calmly asked Potsvan to leave, or he would have to confiscate his ID and gather the Disney Police. Potsvan, who has been known to use force, tried to push his way onto the ride, and subsequently he was stopped by the rotating turnstile. He was then escorted by two guards onto the Disney Tram where he was politely asked to find his way back to Mickey Mouse parking and leave before any further complications occurred.

The other kids on the ride were furious. A five year old, who gave his name as Matty said, “I had to wait so much longer because of him!” We asked another two year old, named Viv, who was just learning to talk for comment. “Ma-ma!” she yelled, before starting to cry voraciously.

Sam Potsvan is awaiting trial in District Court and has a good chance of being deported back to Denmark, because he had overstayed his green card.

Popularity: 1% [?]

By Eugene Pletneck

ANAPOLIS, MA—After scouring the lost pages of my favorite magazine, the renowned History Magazine, I found that the unbelievable 1849 November edition is as current as ever! However, I am afraid to say, I cannot believe some of the glaring omissions!

This one had some fantastic articles on recent history that perhaps no one ever knew about. It had feature articles on Martin Van Buren and John Tyler written with such detail you felt that you knew them! It had a good one on the Irish Potato Famine which was just starting to make history. It had a good one on the Revolutionary War, with historians arguing over perspective and the role and influence of George Washington. There was a good one on the War of 1812. Oh, I could go on like this for so long!

It reminded me too much of the History Magazines from today. Because it’s so funny how the Revolutionary War still makes current news in History. It seems the times haven’t changed! And it’s funny how we write about the War of 1812…and we thought that stuff was old news!

No, I tell ya, my collector’s edition 1849 History Magazine is as true as it ever was. The only thing is, I can’t believe it didn’t mention the Gold Rush! I mean, looking back, that seems to be such a big event in history! I really feel like we lose perspective. Sometimes in history, we miss the forest for the trees, but that is an inevitable and quite sad part. But, really, they could republish this one today, and no one would no that it was out of date! That’s the great thing about history… always current, even when it’s a million years old!

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By Debbie Olsen

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Within the last 24 hours yet another White House Politico from the Right has been convicted of yet another serious felony.

It is almost tedious writing this article. Some Republican Senator blah blah blah tried to kill blah blah blah and launder money blah blah blah and solicited blah blah blah while firing blah and coming treason blah blah blah. That pretty much sums up the incident.

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By Greg Illessen

DEERFIELD—After the recent upsurge in support group attendance at Deerfield High School, local sophomore Troy Illessen started feeling left out.

“How stupid are support groups?” said the angered Troy. “I am so anti support groups.”

Troy and his posse decided to join the already existing Anti-Support Group Support Group, but many felt the group did not meet their needs.

“I feel like I’m just giving in to the man,” remarked confused friend Franco Corton. “I just want a place to be able to vent my anger at support groups.” Corton then began to ball furiously. Friends alerted The Flipside that support groups are a rather touchy subject to Corton.

For those interested, the Anti-Support Group Support Group will be meeting Thrusdays in the Student Union and will be giving out free donuts.

Pictures. ABOVE: Troy Illesen, very conflicted about his support group.

BELOW: A very popular meeting of the Anti-Support Group Support Group.

Popularity: 1% [?]

By Bob Gray

PODUK, IA—Rich Gleeman, your “Average Joe” Iowan, reports getting calls from someone “in 2034.” Joe told reporters that the caller was using a futuristic device, and that the message was of so much importance that he must keep it a secret. He did mention, however, that he has made a few very important adjustments in his stock portfolio (wink, wink). He is currently at the local Podunk Asylum and is receiving guests.

Popularity: 3% [?]