NSA Wiretapping Reveals Location of Jones’ Family Mother’s Day Brunch

BY USANSKIT WORTON WASHINGTON, D.C.— NSA intelligence yesterday revealed that they were…

Local Man Arrested in Anti-Trust Suit

By Peter Panthroe DEERFIELD—A local man, who most Deerfield residents know simply…

David Blaine Attempts the Ordinary! : Famed Magician to Tie Shoe and Whistle for 37 Hours Straight

BY FELTON S. W. ATMAN NEW YORK—Just yesterday, David Blaine started an…

Pope Spearheads CIA Effort to Crack The Da Vinci Code

By Joaquin Finos WASHINGTON, D.C.—The CIA just recently announced that Pope Benedict…

Local Journalist Forgets How to Write

Delusional Tic Tac Toe “Star” Demands Personalized Shoe Brand

By Ollie Boh Radley DENVER—The recently created Chicago professional Tic Tac Toe…

Apprentice Janitor at Zoo Remarkably Still Has Faith in Jesus

Dennis Colby, the man who won’t give up By Diego Goldfarb Salt…

Google to Release New “Google Google”

Tobin Strathmore With the recent release of Google subsidiaries such as Google…

Struggling Plastic Surgeon Performs Botox on Raisins, Astounds World, Fruit Community

By Commisioner Ike Trabajo Wheeling, West Virginia-Cosmetic surgeon Dr. Edward Hameletnius Wenteltenskin…

Sixth Season of ‘24’ to Be Jack Bauer’s Day Off

By Rolf Kinder After the immense success of the newest fifth season…

Bonds on “Bonds on Bonds”

Barry Bonds Reviews His New Hot Reality Show BY BARRY LAMAR BONDS…

Local Man Almost Runs Marathon

BY WARREN G. ISTHCHAMP It was a beautiful sunny day that evening…