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Ask Mr. Motzko: Politically Correct

Dear Mr. Motzko,  We run an underground, bimonthly satirical newspaper at a well-known suburban North Shore high school. We worked hard all year not to step on anybody’s toes, but…

Ask Mr. Motzko

Dear Mr. Motzko, With the holidays coming up I have noticed that all of these other families have “family traditions.” My family doesn’t have any, but I want us to.…

Ask Mr. Motzko: Halloween

Dear Mr. Motzko, Halloween is coming up and I still don’t have a costume idea. Do you have any suggestions for something I could wear? Sincerely, No More Jersey Shore…

Ask Mr. Motzko: Legacy

Dear Mr. Motzko, I graduate really soon, but I still haven’t done anything that notable here at Deerfield High School. Do you have any ideas to leave a legacy that…

Ask Mr. Motzko: Your Job

Dear Mr. Motzko, Can I have your job? Sincerely, Usurper, Class of 2004 Usurper! Mendicant! Shape­shifter! You can have my job after you have extricated yourself off of the three-pronged…

Ask Mr. Motzko: Dreams

Dear Mr. Motzko, I’ll spare you the details, but I’ve been having a really bad recurring nightmare involving the M&M guys and a shake weight. What do I do? Sincerely,…

Ask Mr. Motzko: Senioritis

Dear Mr. Motzko, OMG SO BORED! After spring break, anywhere sounds better than school. I think I have Senioritis. This debilitating condition is wreaking havoc on my life. And the…

Ask Mr. Motzko: Day Off

Dear Mr. Motzko, For the most obvious reasons, I really want a snow day! I’ve been doing my part to get one; expressing my hope via Facebook status, whining, and…

Ask Mr. Motzko: Pets

Dear Mr. Motzko. I am lonely and allergic to almost everything. I really want a pet but it can’t have fur, scales, or feathers. My parent’s said I could get…

Ask Mr. Motzko: On Being Funny

Dear Mr. Motzko, Yesterday I fell down a flight of stairs after being chased by pack of ravenous alley cats. Needless to say, it hurt a lot, but it wasn’t…

Ask Mr. Motzko

Dear Mr. Motzko, In my science class, I was recently asked what the meaning of life was. I was brought to think, maybe it is an equation? Happiness? Chocolate? I…

Ask Mr. Motzko: Homecoming

Dear Mr. Motzko, Homecoming is around the corner and I still don’t have any creative ideas for asking someone to the dance. I’m thinking about Google-ing some ideas but I…

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