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iPhones Taking Over the World, Everyone Too Busy iMessaging to Care

Teachers Complain About Uploading Grades Online, Waste the Three Seconds It Takes to Type It In

Theatre Kids Go to Some Fest, School Finally Quiet for Once

Man Cannot Form Intelligible Sentence, Decides to Enter the GOP Race

Mistletoe Outlawed Until Mono Outbreak is Under Control

All I Want for Christmas is You (and an iPad 2)

“Do It For the Children,” Says Guilt Tripping Fundraiser

Obama’s Pardoned Turkey Arrested, Suspected of Fowl Play

Inspirational Stay-in-School Posters Spread the Word to Everyone Except the People That Don’t Go to School

Grandparents’ Day Reestablishes Stereotype That Grandpas Love Ugly Sweaters

Deerfield Police Officer Pulls Old Woman Over for “Reckless Driving”

Kim Kardashian Gets Divorced, Nobody Surprised Except Husband

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