Food Fight Kills Five, Causes Evolution of Swine
The only thing worse than an activity that is dangerous is one that is also unsafe.
Deerfield High School students have become too much to handle for now ketchup stained administration. For their “Senior Prank,” DHS seniors instigated a premeditated food fight, which they concocted during, what we must assume, was meditation. Clearly, this class that sends almost 100% of its students to college is out of control and uncivilized.
Witness to the battle Ken WilliamsCollegeSucks explained. “Trays were flying, pizza’s were used as boomerangs, and all the rest of the terrible cafeteria food was tossed around. Or projectile vomited. If you have seen the opening scene of Saving Private Ryan, you have a pretty good idea of what happened.”
Once the dust settled, four kids got in trouble by the school. Two of them were black. On a related note, DHS has two black seniors. The D in Deerfield is for diversity. The many E’s, I believe, stand for equality.
What started off as a simple, prank, however, turned deadly according to outgoing principle Susie Q. In delicious monotone, Fornero’s homie stated, “One red, tri-force encoded tray hit Jamie Golfer in the ankle. She lost circulation and had to be amputated on the spot. She is no longer with us.”
“This is just one example that is typical of the Food Fight’s fallout,” she added. “Oh, and I’m angry. Rrrgh!”
As the Class of 09 moves on, at least those not killed by Yo-Play yogurt during the Food Fight which started ten minutes earlier than planed (causing some people still in class to miss the epic recreation of Gettysburg and further causing them to have to explain time and time again that no, they did not get to see the food fight), some people are stuck interpreting this overly long, poorly written run-on sentence.
And although many are sick, obviously caused by the Food Fight, DHS Seniors struggle to find a good way to say goodbye. The complex emotions of wanting to leave, not wanting to grow up, and saying goodbye to 18 years of security is actually quite difficult. Thus, we, the class of 09, choose Food Fight.
Popularity: 8% [?]
