Would you look at this weather? Son, in my day we schlepped our bags to and from school, three miles each way in the middle of a blizzard. How are your grades? You better start preparing for college. You know your father and I are counting on you to carry on the legacy at Brown. You don’t want to go to Brown? Well, you have two years to change your mind.
Did I ever tell you the story of my first frat party? It was a warm Septemb- I’ve already told it to you? How about the day I met your grandmother? That too? Oh, well then. Do you have a girlfriend? With a face like that I’m surprised girls aren’t falling all over you. I remember when I was in high school; I had my pick of the girls. Good thing I met your grandmother. She made me fall in love with her by baking her famous butter pecan cookies. Have you tried one yet?

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Don’t you just love the weather? I’ve always enjoyed sitting with a great book and a nice, toasty cup of cocoa. Speaking of which, have you eaten anything lately? You look so thin. Your mother must not be feeding you well. Here, take one of my butter pecan cookies, they’re Granny’s secret recipe! What’s that? You’re allergic to nuts?
Well, times certainly have changed since I was young. Especially the music you kids listen to. Back in my day, we listened to clean little ditties, nothing like your rap music. The profanities those young men use! I sure do hope you don’t have any of that filth on your brand new e-Phone. The man at the store said it was the “hot item of the year”, and you sure do know how I like to keep up with the times. Oh, it’s pronounced iPhone? Well at least I didn’t pronounce your name wrong, Bradford. It’s Bradley? I guess my mind isn’t as great as it used to be. Did I already offer you a butter pecan cookie?

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