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Rock Paper Scissors Tourney Turns Catastrophic
STUDENT UNION-Hopes were up with a cycle 34 day lingering in the near future. But, little did we know that controversy would break out in the serene “Student Union.” A…
Student Council Only Does it For the Free Breakfast
By Satchel Cornspeaker DEERFIELD, IL- We all thought that those student council guys were good people. But just yesterday they proved us all wrong. President of the Student Council Emailing…
Igneous Rock Sells For 3.2 Million on Ebay
By Lloyd Samskadon SOMEHWHERE IN GREENLAND- The seller Tami Redvan really didn’t think anyone would buy her igneous rock. Thats why she put it up on Ebay. If you asked…
Bald Man Receives Hair Transplants, Life Goes Haywire
by Rodney Eggsburg SAN ANTONIO- Times were tough. The economy was in shambles. The country was at war at all possible borders. And one bald man, Hans Bundleberry had had…
Dunkin’ Donuts Changes Name to Be Politically Correct
by Anfernee Van Tarkus MASSACHUSETTS-Leading donut and coffee provider Dunkin’ Donuts has announced that it is changing its name to ‘Donuts That You May Dunk If You Want To’ following…
Professor Snape to Teach AP Chemistry At DHS
By Flagstaff Roberts HOGWARTS- After our beloved Professor Snape left Hogwarts in the 6th Harry Potter book he was unemployed. Poor Snape. That was why, being the accepting folk that…