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Top 10 Reasons You’re Attending the Wrong College
By Picov Andropov A Farewell Piece AP exams have finally come to an end and the reflection of the past four years has only just begun. We’ve had some good…
Area Bicyclist “Couldn’t Care Less” About High Gas Prices
By Picov Andropov DEERFIELD, IL – It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. Wait, no, it’s just the worst of times. With gas prices pushing…
22: The Story of 5 CLC Students whose Ability to Count Cards is “Not that Great”
By Picov Andropov Vice President of External Affairs LAS VEGAS, NV – Unlike the popular big screen debut of 21, in which MIT students make thousands of dollars playing blackjack…
Cat Trainer in Rehab for Catnip Addiction
By Picov Andropov Senior News Correspondent CHICAGO, IL – One of the areas leading cat trainers, Scott Tender, checked himself into rehab late last night for an addiction all too…
Breathtaking Botanic Garden Website Renders Real Botanic Garden Useless
By Picov Andropov HIGHLAND PARK, IL – The Chicago Botanic Garden has been debating how to make its natural wonders available to more than just local residents. In a Tuesday…
Eco-Friendly Products Increase Guilt-Free Littering
By Picov Andropov MCHENRY, IL – Cecil Daniels, a 32 year old surgeon, used to be neurotic about littering. He has admitted to keeping trash bags in his Toyota Prius…
Study: Lack of Attention in Health Class Has “No Effect”
By Picov Andropov DEERFIELD, IL – The Science Club released its findings on its first experiment late last night. Its purpose, to determine whether listening in Health class has an…
Opinion: Fire Alarm So Tempting Yet So Far Away
By Picov Andropov DEERFIELD, IL – What man can say that he has never thought of pulling the fire alarm? Well, a blind one I guess; but then again, perhaps…
Santa Pulled Over for Excessive Speeding
By Picov Andropov CHICAGO, IL – St. Nicholas wasn’t his jolly self this Christmas, as he found himself the victim of a speed trap. At about 3:30 a.m., Chicago Police…
Cold War Reenactment Goes Nowhere
By Picov Andropov FAIRFAX, VA – Tensions were high yesterday as members of the Screen Actors Guild and Writers Guild of America took part in a reenactment of the Cold…
School Chest Raises $0.00 on Snow Day
By Picov Andropov DEERFIELD, IL – The tremendous six inches of snowfall last Wednesday was enough to cancel school at DHS and HPHS, but it did not stop the members…
Acquisition of Three Hole Punch Triples Intern’s Productivity
By Picov Andropov WHEELING, IL – Bernardo Johnson, intern of Midland Paper, was honored today for the Intern of the Year Award. Johnson, a 39-year-old graduate of the University of…