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BP Executives Develop Plan to Save Oil, Maybe Animals
By George Minkowski “Boom” went the oilrig 40 miles off the coast of Louisiana on April 20, 2010. “Uh-oh” went the United States Coast Guard two days after the explosion…
Movie Critic Uncomfortable Being Only Adult in Movie Theater
By Gunter Hausman NEW YORK CITY— Roger Lumenick, film critic from the New York Times, tried his best to fight his most recent assignment but ultimately failed. As a result,…
District 113’s 3rd Annual Publicity Stunt Turning Out to be Best One Yet
By George Minkowski In 2008, District 113 received a lot of media attention for teaching the Pulitzer Prize-winning drama “Angels in America: A Gay Fantasia on National Themes.” In 2009,…
Witness: Lebron James Announces Solo Basketball Career
By Jeremy Hoodaman In a surprise press conference held yesterday, Lebron James announced his intentions to compete in the NBA as a one-man team. The news came amidst rumors that…
Prairie State Exam Reveals Majority of DHS Juniors Unprepared to Run Farm
By George Minkowski DEERFIELD, IL— The Prairie State Achievement Test was designed to test students’ knowledge of science trivia, sign reading, and Illinois-related math skills. The test was implemented in…
Administration Changes ‘Lunch’ To ‘Dining Education’
By Herman Dougal In their weekly Twitter address, the Deerfield High School administration announced Wednesday that it will be changing the name of lunch periods from ‘Lunch’ to ‘Dining Education.’…