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Marijuana Illegalized in Zimbabwe, Hunger Issue Resolved
By Burford Stetson IDIJAMAMA, ZIMBABWE – Just last week, Zimbabwean government passed a legislative act outlawing “the possession, use, and/or distribution of marijuana and/or marijuana products.” This landmark new law…
Osama Bin Laden Found At Deerfield High School Turnabout
By Buford Stetson DEERFIELD, IL – Osama Bin Laden was found hiding on the dance floor this past weekend at the Deerfield High School turnabout. When asked how he chose…
Local Man Dies from Senior-Citizen-Itis
By Buford Stetson HIGHLAND PARK, IL – A lot of things changed for former Deerfield resident Mike White when he turned sixty-five in 2010. All of a sudden, he didn’t…
Cost Effective Auto-Pilot Announced As Next World Languages Department Chair
By George Minkowski DEERFIELD, IL – The 2009-2010 school year will be the last of a veteran French teacher here at Deerfield. As she leaves the classroom, she also leaves…
Rap Group “Borrows” DHS for the Day
By Gunther Hausman This past Friday, the rap group Endiskize came to DHS to film their music video for the song “We Don’t Back Down.” The largely obscure rap group…
Ask Mr. Motzko: Senioritis
Dear Mr. Motzko, OMG SO BORED! After spring break, anywhere sounds better than school. I think I have Senioritis. This debilitating condition is wreaking havoc on my life. And the…
Deerfield Authorities Cracking Down on Fun
By Jeremy Hoodaman Authorities in Deerfield are fed up with the smiles and laughter of teens in the community. The chief of police promised consequences for residents who attempt to…
