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Local Teen Forced to Explain the Various Bases to Parents
By George Minkowski DEERFIELD– After becoming fed up with not understanding the baseball metaphors for sex in teen movies, two local parents worked up the courage to ask their son…
Student Loses Handbook, Can’t Remember To Buy A New One
By Buford Stetson DEERFIELD, IL – Local Freshman John Morris lives a very organized life. He does all of his math homework (even if the teacher is not checking it…
Wildly Popular “Perspectives” Class Cut to Make Room for Six More Mini-Laptops
By George Minkowski and Buford Stetson Offered to Sophomores, the combined English/Social Studies class “Perspectives” is know around the school for being one of the finest courses offered at Deerfield…
Area Student Purposefully Contracts Tuberculosis, Nails College Admissions Essay
By Giles Henderson NORTHBROOK, IL – It’s not uncommon for teens to dedicate large amounts of their time to stay competitive in the college admissions process. One local girl was…
James Cameron Admits Avatar is “Largely Fictional”
By Jeremy Hoodaman In a shocking press conference held yesterday, James Cameron revealed that many of the people, places and events depicted in his critically acclaimed film Avatar were fabricated.…
All-Nighter Spent on Facebook
By George Minkowski DEERFIELD— In a last ditch attempt to catch up on homework, local teen, Andrew Benisch, committed himself to pulling an all-nighter last Sunday night. However, that fateful…