We recently had our first and last Flipside Puzzle Edition.

http://dhsflipside.com/archive/flipside506.pdf

Thank you to everyone who submitted their answers:

Kyle Friedman (Winner)

Eric Silcroft

Josiah Song

Molly Block

Some Freshman

Here are the answers for all of you loosers.

Maze- J Hall, E Hall, Q Hall, then X Hall

Trivia- I Love You, Man and Role Models were not produced by Judd Apatow.

Rebus Puzzles- Top dog, last resort, split pea, scrambled eggs

Cryptogram- “A good film is when the price of the dinner, the theatre admission and the babysitter were worth it,” Alfred Hitchcock

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By George Minkowski
If you haven’ t gotten a Halloween costume yet, now is about the time to start panicking. But before you run off to Party City and buy the last “Sexy Nurse” costume, the school wants you to consider if your costume could be offensive.
In an announcement to the entire student body, the Deans’ Office communicated that no student shall wear costumes that “could be offensive or perpetuate a stereotype of someone’s culture, heritage, or religion.” They then cited several examples of some unacceptable costumes including dressing up as a geisha, Jesus, or a guy in a mini-shirt.
Although some individuals were confused on how a guy in a mini-shirt is a culture, heritage, or religion, most people understood the intent of the message. However, even though they got the intent, the Deans’ Office failed to foresee the impact of their message, offending several students and teachers.
“My girlfriend suggested that we dress up like Aladdin & Jasmine. I thought that it was such a cute idea until I reread the announcement and talked to an administrator,” Senior Leo Hayes tells Flipside reporters. “I told them what I was planning on wearing and they said wearing a turban and robe would be offensive, like I was dressing up as Osama bin Laden.”
“I found that offensive,” says Leo’s girlfriend, Freshman Amy Cozart. “A turban and a robe do not make you a member of al-Qaeda, especially if you carry around a magic lamp all day. Does the school even know that the movie Aladdin was set in Persia during the middle ages and not in present day Pakistan or Afghanistan?”
“Rude…” adds Cozart.
Cozart and her boyfriend then decided they were going to dress up as spaghetti & meatballs, but they were told that their costumes could be offensive to the members of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, which really exists.
“We totally stand behind that decision. Spaghetti straps are prohibited in the student handbook and could be seen as offensive by Pastafarians,” says the Deans’ Office.

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Dear Mr. Motzko,
Yesterday I fell down a flight of stairs after being chased by pack of ravenous alley cats. Needless to say, it hurt a lot, but it wasn’t the most pain I’ve ever been in. Whenever people tell me The Flipside isn’t funny, it causes me more pain than any predatory house cat ever could. So my question to you is what is funny?
Sincerely,
Hospitalized Flipside Writer
In these trying economic times and the hovering threat of angry bees, I find myself screaming at the sky the very same question issued by Robert Plant during a version of Stairway to Heaven that could only be described in length, pace and heaviness as glacial: “Does Anybody Remember Laughter?”
Indeed, it seems that there has been some serious downsizing at the chuckle factory. When one is in dire need of their sides being split (or knees slapped), one could embark upon the Heart-of-Darkness excursion into absurdity and madness that is The Daily Giggle. Or one could ask for a punch in the chops. While Miss Manners would take issue with my scolding of this revered humor goldmine for the paste-eating crowd, Miss Manners frankly needs to lighten up. Either that, or plan to spend the rest of her days alone in that big Victorian mansion, lecturing her cats on the finer points of tea service.
Granted, it is difficult to find (or remember) a good clean joke that does not offend any ethnicity, species or hat size. Generally, when one needs to bust up a group, be it the Friar’s Club or a carefully arranged menagerie of stuffed animals, remember the equation you learned in Freshman Physics: Comedy=Tragedy+Time. Nothing leads to spontaneously soiled pants like a zinger about the Mt. Tambora eruption of 1816.
For you visual learners, might I suggest TV Azteca’s humor repository, Ay Caramba! For those of you not glued to the unidirectional sludge pump between 1997 and 2006, this was America’s Funniest Videos if “funny” required somebody trying to ride a motorcycle across a bridge of vines suspended between a flaming oil drum and a crate of greased pigs. Like the ice cream truck says, good humor.
Have a question for Mr. Motzko? Email it to us at dhsflipside@gmail.com.

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Hell has finally frozen over. Well, I guess that’s only if you call school hell. Students came to school Monday into a frenzy, as they walked through the doors to find the ground coated in a blanket of snow and icicles dangling from the ceiling. As fingers started to turn blue, students wondered what could have possibly happened. Turns out, the students caused their own demise.
Lazy students had put so much gum in the heaters; they had blocked any heat from getting to the school. So, while the bottom sides of thousands of pieces of gum were getting toasty, the rest of the school was falling to Mother Nature’s wrath.
“I never knew the damage I was doing,” said concerned Senior Jeffrey Stein, “It’s crazy to think that just a few more steps to the garbage can could have prevented this.” He added, “I was just trying to be respectful. I couldn’t just walk in front of the whole class to the garbage, because everybody would totally laugh at me. The only options were in the heater and under my desk, and under the desk was so two decades ago.” Two decades ago is coincidently when many of the teachers here first starting chewing their first piece of stride gum.
Soon after, Jeff was rushed to the hospital with severe pneumonia. Our thoughts are with him.
The district refused to cancel school, on the basis of “seriously?” Many students throughout the day who were not prepared often huddled together for warmth, while other, more prepared students yelled at them for clumping. After yelling, they marveled at the fact that they could see their breath inside the school. No word yet as to how long the school will remain in a wintery freeze.
It may take days, weeks, perhaps even months to get the heaters clear of several years worth of sticky, chewed, and now very warm gum. What we do know, however, judging from the past experiences at the school, is that the students will definitely not learn from their mistakes.

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