Popularity: 5% [?]

Popularity: 3% [?]

After the sweet, sweet taste of missing around a half of hour of dreaded school for Obama’s inauguration, students have voiced a dramatic increase in politics. Countless cries for more political coverage and less school crap are being heard from X-hall to the heaters. Just kidding, we aren’t allowed to use the heaters, despite a growing interest in energy debates that occur during my 2nd period English class.

Even the immature freshmen are finding the pros and cons of politics interesting. One Connor Jo stated, “This stuff really gets me up. Watching North Dakota Senator Bryon L. Dorgan speak about habeas corpus is just plain intellectually arousing. He tends to be a little long, but his points are firm and his stance strong.”

Second semester Senior Jessica Wolf explains the general appeal of politics. “This stuff is so, like, interesting. Can you believe Obama is considering talking to the U.N. Special Assembly on Plant Watering Processes? Soaring food commodity prices could have a dramatic influence on consumer elasticity!”

She added, “And his speech happens to be during fifth period physics.”

Some are not so quick to fall for Wolf’s typical ploy. Econ teacher Mr. Wheeze responds, “Clearly [Jessica] is in the wrong. Does she really think a slight decrease in gross product supply will have a net effect on large market retail distribution? This is basic stuff, man.”

He was quick to note, “Though I am not a fan of my fifth period class. I wouldn’t mind not dealing with those dimwitted slowtards. And it is nice to hear a president who could get an A in Freshman English Survey.”

Change is in the air. Hopefully, it is me no longer having to change for gym.

Popularity: 3% [?]

As graduation time approaches, Ben Smartypants is more nervous than ever before, including the time when he accidentally brushed up against a girl’s (a girl!) butt, which caused the girl to turn around. Ben is a Senior carrying a perfect 4.0, a 5.8 unweighted, and about 6 textbooks. After years of locking himself in his room and only coming out for classes, Ben has to make a speech at graduation… in front of people.

Even worse, there is the likely possibility he will have to talk to some of these people. When asked about this possibility, Ben responded, “Who are you and why are you talking to me?”

After telling Ben we were just local college reps for Harvard, Ben stopped sweating and dry heaving. We asked Ben again what he would do if he had to talk to someone other than a teacher or a textbook and he said, “Well, according to my calculations I would initiate a common pleasantry. Possibly something to the effect of ‘hello’ or a southern colloquium greeting like ‘I haven’t made an acquaintance like this since lil’ Billy’s biscuit was stolen by them dogs.’ I assume that would work, but I haven’t really talked with real people in a long time, although Second Life is pure pwnage. I also doubt they know binary code or Elvish, two languages of choice for me.” Without an end to his rambling in sight, we had to inform Ben we were regular, non-school related people. He simply looked at us, dropped his jaw, and ran away.

Popularity: 2% [?]

DEERFIELD, IL— Rachael Miller, a Deerfield junior, studied her butt off for Ms. Levine’s Pre-calc final, but still got a C-. This brought her semester grade down to a B and her odds of getting into college to 0%.

Since she was young, Rachael was always college bound and very motivated. But perhaps she just didn’t want it bad enough because she got a C- on one final junior year.

“[Rachael] is a very intelligent girl, or so I thought,” Ms. Levine tells Flipside reporters. “She did so well in the class and I was sure that she was college material, but then she got 144/200 on the final. I’m really disappointed in her. I told her she should just drop out… of school.”

“Odds are, Rachael cannot even calculate the percentage she got anymore.”

Ms. Levine is not alone in her shock and disappointment. Rachael’s parents are quite upset as well. According to a source, Rachael’s parents are “going to like kill her” when they see their child’s report card.

“My life is over,” Rachael says. “There is no way to bounce back from a C- on a final. So let’s just face it now, I’m not going to college.”

Even though Miller has a 3.6 unweighted GPA, her other teachers have also given up on her after hearing about the C-.

“Now if I was going to apply to college,” Rachael continued holding back tears and a runny nose, “the schools would just be like ‘C-? No way’ or ‘OMG! Rachael got a C- on her Pre-calc final. Rejected!’ It’s hopeless.”

To make matters worse for Rachael, she has been banned from the CCRC, WERCS, Math Lab, Foreign Language Lab, and Library because the faculty doesn’t want her “stupid” to spread to students who actually have a chance at life.

Popularity: 4% [?]