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School Chest Decides To Use Money to Bail Out Auto Industry
With this year’s annual school chest drawing to a close, stucco president Alec Weiser made a drastic, last minute change. Change we can believe in. Change for the people who…
Student Caught Texting Refuses to Admit He Was Texting
By George Minkowski DEERFIELD, IL— Deerfield’s strictly enforced and highly punishable anti-phone rule is enough to keep many students’ phones in their lockers, but a brave few take on the…
The Triumphs and Tragedies of a PE Substitute
I hate this job. I sit down and take attendance of all those hard to name kids. They laugh every time I mispronounce the slightest syllable in any name. What…
Moon Tanning: A Healthy Alternative
By: The Real William Stafford The Earth’s one natural satellite, the Moon, is more than one quarter the size of Earth itself (3,474 km diameter). Because of its smaller size,…
Students Develop Fear of Bubbles in Wake of Standardized Testing
By: Jeffery Hoodman A disturbing trend has surfaced in Deerfield High School following recently administered standardized tests; multiple students have reported to their counselors that they have developed an irrational…
Doctor Succumbs to Urge to Tell Patient He’s Taking Placebo
By George Minkowski LOS ANGELES, CA— Foreign accent syndrome is a rare medical condition that usually occurs as a rare side effect of a severe brain injury, such as a…