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Walker Brothers Salmonella Outbreak Deters Nobody

By George Minkowski HIGHLAND PARK — Over a dozen Deerfield students stayed home from school Monday after receiving salmonella from Walker Brothers due to unrefrigerated eggs. However, becoming violently ill…

School Realizes Kid Has A Twin, Explains A Lot

By Alex Von Trapensfield Students and teachers at DHS have discovered that sophomore Robby Cassini has an identical twin, Danny, and things are starting to make a lot more sense…

Kwanzaa Celebrators Disappointed About Lack of Kwanzaa Spirit This, Every Year

By Gunter Hausman Unfortunately, as Christmas and Festivus fast approach, Kwanzaa is seldom on our radars. This is starting to bother Kwanzaa celebrators who were hoping that this would be…

Area Man Feels Much Better After Having a Nice Cry in the Bathtub

Tiger Woods In No Mood to be Satirized by Blatant Rip-Off of The Onion

Why Does Everybody Think I Want Knives For Hannukah?

Ask Mr. Motzko: Pets

Dear Mr. Motzko. I am lonely and allergic to almost everything. I really want a pet but it can’t have fur, scales, or feathers. My parent’s said I could get…

Hot Girl Likes Books

By George Minkowski DEERFIELD— As the old adage goes, never judge a book by its cover. Though we at The Flipside recommend judging books by their covers (i.e. The Color…

As the Autumn Season Bids Adieu, We Glimpse Ahead to the Things We Most Look Forward To This Winter

By Elijah Brisk It is now mid-December. The leaves have all fallen, the temperature has dropped (drastically!), and the first snow has fallen. People are wearing two fleeces, and there…

Santa’s Elves Busy Making Best Buy Gift Cards

CBS Executives Sick of Trying to Fire Andy Rooney

By Gunther Hausman NEW YORK CITY– For 31 years now, the iconic Andy Rooney has been closing the news show 60 Minutes with his insightful take on social, economic, and…

Grandparents Given the Opportunity to See their Lying, Cheating Grandchildren in New Light

Whether it was the smell, sound, or sight of them, you probably noticed grandparents in the school last week. No, they were not lost. It was Grandparent’s Day, a day…

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