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Kids These Days
By a Grumpy Old Man Kids these days. Those little rats are out of control. With them headphones in their ears, texting on their mobile phones, playing with their Wii’s.…
Don’t You Forget About Me
By: George Bush Won’t you come see about me? I only have one friend, and his name is Dick Cheney Tell me your troubles and doubts And I’ll give you…
75 Sophomore Girls Dye Their Hair to Express Individuality
DEERFIELD, IL— Leaves are not the only thing changing colors this fall. The hair color of approximately seventy- five sophomore girls is changing too. What is causing this metamorphosis? Individuality.…
I Need a Job
By Almost All Political Analysts After weeks, if not years, of covering every inch of the election, many political analysts find themselves looking for new jobs in today’s tough economy.…
I Need a Nap
By: John McCain This election took forever. I am really tired. It doesn’t help that I am so boring to listen to. I think I put myself to sleep. Now…
What Now?
By: Barack Obama Umm, this is awkward. I don’t really know what to do. Should I keep speaking? I’ve only been in politics for four years, for Pete’s sake. I…
DHS Mock Election Tight, Possibly Corrupt; Mayor Daley Doesn’t See a Problem
Historic voter turnout and wasting more class time because of longer poll lines mark this year’s DHS mock election. The hype is huge for this hypothetical election (some WERC’s pollsters…