9
March , 2010
Tuesday

Free Everywhere* $2.30 Canada

Quiz : Do You Have ADD?
Turtle at Zoo Finds it Very Awkward
The Flipside News: Are All Stereotypes True
Readers Strike Puts Publishers, Newspapers Out of Business
Are You Done Borrowing My Phone, Water?
Aging ‘85 Bears Do the Super Bowl Shuffleboard
Wildly Popular “Perspectives” Class Cut to Make Room for Six More Mini-Laptops
Santa Pulled Over for Excessive Speeding
America Creates Own Version of David
Earthworks Cuts Down Trees For Flyers

Wildly Popular “Perspectives” Class Cut to Make Room for Six More Mini-Laptops

By George Minkowski and Buford Stetson Offered to Sophomores, the combined English/Social Studies class “Perspectives” is know around the school for being one of the finest courses offered at Deerfield High School. It’s innovative curriculum combined with passionate teachers made students ...
Wildly Popular “Perspectives” Class Cut to Make Room for Six More Mini-Laptops

Area Student Purposefully Contracts Tuberculosis, Nails College Admissions Essay

By Giles Henderson NORTHBROOK, IL – It’s not uncommon for teens to dedicate large amounts of their time to stay competitive in the college admissions process. One local girl was willing to take matters a step further to ensure that she ...
Area Student Purposefully Contracts Tuberculosis, Nails College Admissions Essay

James Cameron Admits Avatar is “Largely Fictional”

By Jeremy Hoodaman In a shocking press conference held yesterday, James Cameron revealed that many of the people, places and events depicted in his critically acclaimed film Avatar were fabricated. Avatar, which premiered late last year, focuses on an indigenous tribe of ...
James Cameron Admits Avatar is “Largely Fictional”

All-Nighter Spent on Facebook

By George Minkowski DEERFIELD— In a last ditch attempt to catch up on homework, local teen, Andrew Benisch, committed himself to pulling an all-nighter last Sunday night. However, that fateful night proved to be far less productive than previously hoped as ...
All-Nighter Spent on Facebook
21 February 2010

Theme of Communist Party to be “Potluck”

March - 7 - 2010

Drill Team Choreographs New Routine… Just Kidding!

March - 7 - 2010

Wildly Popular “Perspectives” Class Cut to Make Room for Six More Mini-Laptops

March - 7 - 2010

By George Minkowski and Buford Stetson
Offered to Sophomores, the combined English/Social Studies class “Perspectives” is know around the school for being one of the finest courses offered at Deerfield High School. It’s innovative curriculum combined with passionate teachers made students equally passionate about reading, writing, and history. However, stimulating and effective classes are not the [...]

Area Student Purposefully Contracts Tuberculosis, Nails College Admissions Essay

March - 7 - 2010

By Giles Henderson
NORTHBROOK, IL – It’s not uncommon for teens to dedicate large amounts of their time to stay competitive in the college admissions process. One local girl was willing to take matters a step further to ensure that she got into college.
After reading several college applications, Glenbrook North Junior Sara Hughes devised a perfect [...]

James Cameron Admits Avatar is “Largely Fictional”

March - 7 - 2010

By Jeremy Hoodaman
In a shocking press conference held yesterday, James Cameron revealed that many of the people, places and events depicted in his critically acclaimed film Avatar were fabricated.
Avatar, which premiered late last year, focuses on an indigenous tribe of aliens, known as Na’vi, living on Pandora, a moon in the Alpha Centauri star system. [...]

All-Nighter Spent on Facebook

March - 7 - 2010

By George Minkowski
DEERFIELD— In a last ditch attempt to catch up on homework, local teen, Andrew Benisch, committed himself to pulling an all-nighter last Sunday night. However, that fateful night proved to be far less productive than previously hoped as all-nighters on school nights invariably lead Facebook.
Some people are able to manage their time wisely [...]

Curler Can’t Find Friend to Sit with in Olympic Cafeteria

February - 21 - 2010

By George Minkowski
VANCOUVER– Getting to the Olympics takes years of determination and sacrifice. That is, unless you are a curler, in which case all it takes is a complete lack of dignity. But for American Curler Francis Par, it just took a series of failures in every other sport to get to Vancouver for the [...]

Scandal of the Century: Two Girls Wear Same Sleazy Dress to Turnabout

February - 21 - 2010

By Stasi Starr
DEERFIELD– As the old adage goes, no two snowflakes are exactly a like. Unfortunately, this doesn’t hold true for teenage girls, because on Saturday, two girls wore the same trashy dress to Turnabout.
The dress, if you consider something with so little fabric a dress, was worn by Freshman Molly Cullum and Junior Samantha [...]

History Classes Officially Deemed Pointless

February - 21 - 2010

By Buford Stetson
WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a press release last Friday, the United States Government officially deemed history classes “as useful as the pledge of allegiance in homeroom.” The government then continued fulfilling their other duties, such as watching the Olympics and interrupting random speeches with frequent applause.
As of now, some people have forgotten why [...]

Opinion: I Enjoy Doughnuts… So What?

February - 21 - 2010

By Officer Dan
I spend long days patrolling the streets, enforcing speed limits and watching for dangerous activity. I work tirelessly to ensure the safety of this town and its people. I proudly enforce the necessary laws upon which this nation was built.
And I’m sick and tired of getting lip for enjoying a doughnut once in [...]